Once again, for the second time in a year and a half, I am moving. I was packing some more boxes today, and as I was packing I was thinking: "This is just too fricken much!!!" And then I wondered how I did it the first time. I moved to another apartment when he had been gone for 4 months. Looking back, I don't even remember packing boxes and labeling them...wrapping things up...I don't remember anything. I did the entire move alone. It wasn't a matter of pride. I wasn't angry when I moved. I was heartbroken. And shattered.
Today I am overwhelmed with getting ready for this move, but so excited at the same time. I have let him go, and I have handed my heart over to God for healing. I am moving one block from the beach. I will be closer to work. I have friends that live nearby. REAL nearby! Yesterday I went and signed the lease, and got the keys. I have a fantastic landlord. She seems extremely nice. She was willing to look beyond the woman I appeared to be on paper. And give me a chance. My credit took a nosedive when he walked out. There were days I wasn't sure me and Sami were gonna make it. Things looked bleak. We were broke. We were beyond broke. I didn't have a great-paying job. I cried everyday.
Today I laughed all day at work. My morning started out fantastic, and the day just kept getting better. After work, I came home and packed a lot. And now I'm trying to wind down so that I can get some sleep. I was not able to sleep last night. I tossed and turned. Out of excitement, and about 150 things on my mind. I am a different woman today than I was a year ago. I look different, and I feel different. I am different. I have a stronger relationship with God today than I had one year ago. I'm more solid in my job today than I was one year ago. I am happier in my life today than I was one year ago. I have more friends today, than I had a year ago.
I am surrounded by boxes. On a little spot here on the couch. Amidst a really stressful time. And I sit here and smile. Because in two days...a new life begins. A new life.
God shut one door. And I stayed at that door pounding and pounding. "Let me in! Let me in!" Because when that door shut, and I was on the outside of it, I looked around in total panic and fear. I had no idea what would happen to me. I felt so small in this huge world. I felt lost. I felt very confused. And it's taken a long time (almost two years) for me to stop pounding and to turn around and start walking.
One thing I know today, that I did NOT know one year ago. God is taking care of me.
Life is good. I trust you, God.
Lead the way....I will follow.
No comments:
Post a Comment