My Sam Sam

This little girl has no idea how much life she has breathed into me. She lives for the moment. Totally and completely. She writes me letters and tells me she loves me. She draws me pictures full of hearts and her own thoughts. I think my favorite one to date said: "Dear Mom, I love you as much as I love God."

Dear Sami, I love you more than life itself.

She has had her trials going through this divorce right along with me. Her daddy no longer lives here with her and after a year and a half, she still wonders if he will ever come back. Some nights when we're laying in the darkness and quietness...her little voice will break the silence with: "Mom, do you still love dad?" Knife to my heart. Sometimes I just don't want to answer. I want to say "shhh, go to sleep." But instead I tell her the truth. One day while we were driving to the bank, out of the blue she asked me: "Mom, why did dad leave?" I answered: "Well, Sami, he wanted a better life." And she said: "Mom! He HAD a better life!!!" Once she asked: "Does dad still love you?" How do you tell your 8 year old child that love can be turned off like a water faucet? It's impossible. One time as I was driving her to school....she said to me: "Mom...you lied to me." And I was trying to put my mascara on, text my friends, and drive her to school.....I looked at her and said "Lied? Lied about what???" She said: "You promised me a long time ago that you and dad would NEVER get divorced." I said, "yeah, I did make that promise huh. I'm sorry Sami. I didn't think we ever would get divorced." When I dropped her off at school, it was no use putting on mascara. The tears just kept coming.

She asks a lot of questions. Because she knows I will answer.

And this little ball of fire is full of life. Once in a while, she'll pause and wonder and ask. When she gets an answer...she moves on back to living. I should take some lessons from her.

Yes...Life is good.